September 4, 2010

A Recipe For Disaster


Want to know how to have a really crappy long run? I have the perfect combination of steps to guarantee that your run sucks from beginning to end and leaves you feeling like death when it is all over.

First, the day before your planned long run, do a two hour leg and plyometric workout in the morning. When you are finished with that, go to work and sit at a desk for 10 hours. After you have finished working for the day, teach a 60 minute boot camp class that focuses on leg and core work and make sure you run a lot of laps! To finish off your day, eat a huge dinner of grapes and brazil nuts to make up for all of the food you forgot to eat during the day while you were working. Go to bed with an upset stomach and then proceed to lay on your back staring at the ceiling for two hours because you can't sleep. At this point, you should pick up your phone and call someone who will stress you out and keep you on the phone for WAY too long. Make sure the conversation is emotionally draining and if tears are involved then even better. You should try to make sure you fall asleep at some point but don't get more than about three hours of sleep...I mean, anything more than that would just be lazy.

On the morning of your long run, wake up with a headache, drink three HUGE cups of black coffee and then eat an apple. Ignore the fact that your stomach feels horrible, grab a 12 oz bottle of water and head out the door. Make sure at this point that you pick the toughest possible course you can think of to run. Hills, busy roads, no water stops, tough trails...all of these will contribute to making sure your run is hard. Make sure you run out of water within the first hour and don't even think about bringing any type of gel or sports drink. Now spend the next two and a half hours wondering why you all of a sudden hate running and silently cursing yourself for signing up for another marathon. Finish your run and sit on the floor for 20 minutes wishing you couldn't feel the grip of the Grim Reaper on your entire body. Done and done!

I am a runner, I still love to run...and for today, that is more than enough!

3 comments:

  1. Wow, sorry about your bad run! The good thing is for every bad run there is a great one right? Which marathon did you sign up for?

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  2. dang, i can't believe you finished that thing! hopefully you have some rest and recovery planned for today :)

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  3. Ohhh Man!!! Now I know what not to do and hope to learn from your example rather then my own experience. The GOOD News is: I'm told that after a bad run (experience) we learn from our mistakes and I know this one is behind you!!!!
    One run (or day) at a time and the best is up ahead. Hang tough iron woman and we are very proud of you!!!
    PB

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